Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
