Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
