How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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