Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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