so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
