I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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