so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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