Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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