He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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