fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
