i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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