Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
