it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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