Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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