Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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