It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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