we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize