Say something about gay babies.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
