the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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