I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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