so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
