U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
