i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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