I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
