i don't like sucking hair
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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