Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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