I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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