You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
