he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
