Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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