Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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