i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
