walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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