I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
