3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
