Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
