apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
