MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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