omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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