Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
