Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
