I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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