i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
