Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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