Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize