At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
