I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize