I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
