i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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