walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
