Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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