my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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