My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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