I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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