I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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