Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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