apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
