listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
