Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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