just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
