did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize