I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize