and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
