i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
