Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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