Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
