remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
