Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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