he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh god it's open bar.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
