You work out of a Hotel?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
