Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
do herpes really smell.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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