btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize