Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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