i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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