Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
