Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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