my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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