get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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