He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
