You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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